When I was writing down what I wanted for this blog, one of the key things that kept popping up for me was to make it real and authentic. I wanted to share the good, the bad and the downright ugly, which the latter occurred today.
Ever since COVID-19 shook things up, I have a lot of anxiety and stress associated with work. It’s a mixed bag as to why this is and a lot of it for me is adjusting to how work is changing as a result of the disease and some of the side effects of it. Part of it too is a fear of what if this lingers. We’ve already lost some team members as a result of reductions, so what happens if something like this were to impact me as well?
I kind of feel like this has all been building over the last few months, and I’m ready for it to release and get back to normal. Unfortunately with the way things are going, I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. I decided this morning that I was going to take vacation in a couple of weeks, just to get some extended time away from work in order to recharge and reset. I won’t be doing anything exciting or going anywhere due to the virus. However, I just need the time away as I know I haven’t been putting forth my best work lately.
Coming back to work today I found myself a little tired and just ready for a break longer than a two day weekend. I was definitely feeling disheartened this morning. Not with anyone or anything in particular…just a general feeling I had with myself and the tasks at hand. Rather than admit that this is what I was feeling though and acknowledge that what I am needing is a break from work, I ended up using food to cover up and bury my feelings. I reached for an unhealthy (600 calories!) chocolate muffin along with some crackers for breakfast. And of course once I had bought the ticket and gotten on the train titled ‘Screw it! I’m eating what I want today!’ I rode that baby until it stopped service around 9pm tonight.
So needless to say I’m way off track where I want to be and where I’m trying to go. But I find myself looking forward to tomorrow, knowing that it is a new day and a fresh start. I’ve got my plan for healthy eating tomorrow, and I’m ready to show up tomorrow at work like a boss. Knowing that I am in need of a recharge, and I can have that in a few weeks, I’m doubling down on really rocking it out to get me to this checkpoint where I can rest and gear up again.