I weigh 280.4 pounds. I know…eek!!! The eek isn’t an eek as though I’m scared or the number frightened me. It didn’t sneak up on me in the middle of the night and jump out of the shadows. It’s been there my whole life. I’ve always been overweight. For the first time though, I’m starting to really look at the number and understand the gravity of it. Not just the fact that it’s a number on the scale, but just how much weight that is to physically carry around each day as well as how much mental weight that creates as well in terms of self-judgement, self-esteem, etc.
I’m a little unique from most people in that I’ve never really lost weight or tried to diet. In my head I’ve started over again many, many times. Practically every week I’ve told myself “okay I’m going to start Monday.” And I would until something went wrong at work. Or I was tired. Or something bad happened. Or I was bored. Or I needed a distraction. As you can see, I could use just about any excuse to justify overeating. Plus I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to sugar.
The only time I can actually remember losing weight is twice. Once in high school when I played basketball for a year, and secondly about 10-15 years ago when I had a hectic job. I have no idea how much weight I lost playing basketball, and the job only resulted in about 10 pounds lost. So as you can see, me trying to lose weight is new to me. I’m not like most people who have actually had some success and then slipped back into old habits. I haven’t yo-yo dieted, although I did the whole yo-yo in my mind with my mental weight each week when I started over and then abandoned ship by 10am Monday morning.
In some ways I’m thankful that I haven’t done yo-yo dieting as this clears me from having thoughts like “Why bother…you are just going to gain it back again”, but at the same time it also raises the doubts in my head as to whether or not I can actually do it. There’s a part of me that’s lied to myself all these years telling myself “that if I wanted to lose weight, I could do it. I just haven’t yet because I haven’t set my mind to it.” The truth is this is a lie. There’s something within me that has held me back all these years, so I’ve got to figure it out and overcome it.
I’ve set a short-term and long-term goal for myself as I’ve started this transformation. My short-term goal is to weight under 270 pounds by the end of July, while my long-term goal is to weigh under 200 pounds by the end of the year. Interested to see how I do? Be sure to follow along and subscribe!